STRETCH

What have you learned in life so far? (PLEASE READ/HELP)

Hi.  I need your help so we can help others. Would you share with everyone a simple statement or two? The requirement is simple. 1. It must be something you have learned in life so far. 

For instance:

"Helping people helps me"

"Worrying solves nothing"

"Low expectations is a good strategy"

"Over time, I get used to things and take them for granted."

So, what have you learned in life so far?  Kindly comment on my blog and RT on Twitter.  If you use Twitter, please leave your Twitter handle so I can give you credit. Thank you.

**Best quote gets a prize!

Stretch Yourself

Jesse

Part 2: ..drifters, pursuers, achievers and super-achievers..

Recently, I wrote about the importance of determining the most significant areas of our life and having a clear vision for each area.  Let's talk about this some more.

Determining the most significant areas of our lives help us stay focused as to what we should be spending the most time doing.  It can be easy for us to drift through the days without much direction.  But what if we we knew very clearly what we wanted out of the most significant areas of life AND we knew how to attain it?  Life may be more fulfilling, more rewarding and definitely more purposeful.

Here is how I choose to be purposeful:

1. Determine the significant areas of your life (i.e; God, family, career)

2. Develop a vision of what each area should look like by the end of the year

3. Create goals that would help you accomplish the vision

4. Consider the steps it will take you to reach each goal

My significant areas (in order) are as follows -

• Relationship with God
• Relationship with my wife
• Relationship with my children
• Career
• Personal Accomplishments

So for instance, my 'vision' for 2010 in the area of my relationship with my wife would be: "A stronger, healthier marriage"

Here are my goals to accomplish this:

1. Resource our marriage
2. Monthly date-night
3. Weekly talk time

Here are the steps to accomplish each goal:

1.  Bi-monthly counseling with mentors (get counsel during the difficult times AND the easy times), listen to marriage resources together/read books together to challenge our marriage.

2.  Plan a date night once a month and make each night purposeful in building romance.  This resource from Northpoint can help you: The Great Date Experiment

3.  Every week, find two nights to put the kids to bed, turn the TV off and COMMUNICATE. Talk and listen. Listen and talk. 

Pretty simple, but if each step is done diligently, your goals will be accomplished and when the goals are accomplished you will be living in your vision. The results will be extraordinary.

So, what are the most significant areas of your life and what do you hope they look like at the end of 2010?

Stretch yourself

Jesse

..drifters, pursuers, achievers and super-achievers..

When it comes to achieving, typically there are four types of people:

• Drifters: People who move through life, going with the flow wherever it takes them.
• Pursuers: People who want to achieve their dreams but aren't quite sure how. 
• Achievers: People who set goals and consistently achieve them.
• Super-Achievers: People who consistently achieve extraordinary results.

Which are you? 

2009 came and went.  It could have been better, it could have been worse.  One thing I know for sure, my 2009 wasn't very purposeful in the most significant areas of my life.  I 'drifted' in a couple of areas. Now it's time to play catch up.  I wished these short notes would have been written to me at the beginning of 2009.

Dear Drifter,

Get ready for an unexciting adventure as you will float through 2010!  The ups and downs of life will come and you will remain indifferent. Opportunities will present themselves, yet you will remain unshaken. Your diligence to laziness will rise to the occasion. When the end of the year gets here, prepare yourself - you will be the exact same!

Dear Pursuer,

2010 will be a year of hope for you!  You will believe your finances will be better, you will hope your marriage gets stronger and you will dream like never before! Unfortunately, you will not put in the effort to see your hopes come to pass. Your lack of knowledge and resources along with your unwillingness to seek help will cause you to live in an atmosphere of hope rather than change. At least you have desire!

Dear Achiever,

Congrats, you will accomplish some goals this year! I am looking forward to celebrating with you. The year will be good but could it be better? Could you have focused on more significant things? Hmmm...time will only tell.

Dear Super-Achiever,

WOW - what a year ahead!  With a plan like you have and the discipline, dedication and diligence you exert, there will be no stopping you to achieve extraordinary results. Without a doubt you will excel in every significant area of your life. Simply amazing. And just think...last year, you were merely a drifter.

I want that last letter to be the heartbeat of my life...year after year after year.

What does it take?  I'm certainly no expert, but I'm excited because I feel like I'm on the right track.  I will break it down for you in my next post.

Until then - I want to challenge you to determine - WHAT ARE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT AREAS OF YOUR LIFE?  I'll tell you mine next.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Sshhh...it's a secret...but tell everyone you know!

What do you want?  Ripped abs? Money in the bank? A great marriage? Long life?  Howard Hughes had them all (except maybe the abs) but he did have money, power, fame, and romance.  And yet...he was miserable.

Truthfully, all of those things are just a means to an end.  What we really want goes a little deeper.  What we really want is happiness.

"Happiness is a heartfelt joy that is consistent, persistent and lasting."

Solomon (the writer of proverbs discovered the source of happiness - what it takes to gain it, sustain it, and grow it.  He also discovered barriers that prevent people from ever attaining it. So...

What keeps us from being truly happy?  

• Looking for happiness in the wrong places ("He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income.  This too is vanity." -Solomon)
• A lack of gratefulness - Are you ever thankful for your eyes and how simply amazing they are? What about how your fingers work? Isn't it amazing that our skin never stains?  ....what are the things we overlook when it comes to gratefulness?
• Envy - ouch this is a toughy.  Do you want what others have?  Instead work towards gratefulness. When your heart is full of gratitude, there is no room for envy to grow.
• A sense of entitlement - Husbands and wives...stop feeling entitled to more than each of you provide. Let's stop complaining.  As long as we focus on what we do not have or what we think we are entitled to, we will not be happy.

So these are just a few barriers to personal happy - all of which are found in the proverbs written by the wisest man who ever lived.  King Solomon.  So what did he say about overcoming these obstacles?

• Develop a grateful heart - Throughout your day, focus on those things you are grateful for.
• Eliminate your sense of entitlement - Keep it and you will be bound to unhappiness.  Let go of the unrealistic expectations you have of the government, your job, friends and family.  Not only will you be much happier - you will gain an increased ability to love and respect others unconditionally.
• Root out weeds of envy - Whenever you feel envy, let that be a signal to reset your focus on things for which you are grateful.

The Happiness Secret

Stretch Yourself,

Jesse

*Thank you Steven Scott for the inspiration of this post.

'Lead with your Listener'

• We spend half of our 'work' day - about four hours - in listening activities.   
• You hear about two hours' worth of what is said.
• You actually listen to about half of it. 
• You only understand thirty minutes of that hour. 
• You believe only 15 minutes' worth. 
• And you remember less than eight minutes of all that is said. 

There IS a difference between 'hearing' and 'listening'.  When people talk - do you really 'hear' them? Can you 'feel' what they are trying to express?  This isn't about making assumptions or drawing conclusions. This is about understanding, learning, keeping problems from growing, and establishing trust.

"One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone is the gift of attention." - John Rohn

I love this quote because it reminds me that listening is so much more than hearing.  Listening is far more than simply using your ears.  Listening requires eye contact, body language and time.  One rule I try to live by when interacting and 'listening' to others is this:

Wherever you are, be all the way there.

I want my mind, my attention, my eyes to be focused on the individual speaking to me.  The next time you are in a group of people and someone is talking - look at their eyes as they speak and before you know it, they will be looking at you the majority of the time.  This naturally will create influence and influence always precedes leadership.

So, in the context of your relationships at home, work or play - are you a 'hearer' or a 'listener'?

Stretch yourself

Jesse

Seeing what can't be seen

We are all leading someone. This is reality.  CEO's lead organizations, Mayor's lead cities, principles lead schools and parents lead children.  It's safe to say, you are leading someone.  Maybe it's a friend, a sibling or a co-worker.  LEADERSHIP is NATURAL.  

Potential is a valuable commodity.  A few things to consider about 'potential'.   It is full of promise, hope and direction.  Potential is 'existing in possibility'. It's up for grabs, but is not guaranteed.  It is capable of developing into actuality. Here is what the famous composer Gian Carlo Menotti said about potential:

"Hell begins on that day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts that we wasted, of all that we might have done that we did not do."

Another thing about potential. One key to creating your own is to recognize it in others. When you look at someone, what do you see? Do you even see anything? What if you started looking for potential. Unrealized potential is a tragic waste. When you lead someone, you have the privilege of helping others discover and develop their potential. But you can't do that until you see their potential. The real test is always between what you've done and what you're capable of doing. 

Whenever you look at people, look for the spark of greatness. Watch and listen with your heart as well as your eyes. What if you saw a glimpse of something in someone and you called it out?

Look at your children and determine what is 'existing in possibility'. Did they do something without being told? Maybe that is a glimpse of responsibility. Affirm that. Remember this principle:

Whatever gets rewarded, gets repeated.

Effective leadership, regardless of your position or title, requires you to 'see what can't be seen' in the lives of those around you and calling it out.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

A Day in the Life: (Old School journal style)

Sadly, my day in the life video has been lost in translation.  Not sure what happened, but the camera is not importing my footage to my computer.  So, in the meantime this is what was accomplished today.

 

6:00        Wake-up  (Shower, clean up, dress, check Twitter...the norm)
  7:00        Wake-up Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Promptly serve breakfast to avoid panicked frenzy)
  7:20        Dress Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Socks aren't matching but who cares?)
  7:45        Leave for Day (Pile in family truckster and head to baby squatter's house)
  8:00        Drop Off (Lovingly drop kids at nanny's house *wave, kiss, hug*)

 

Drive    Drive    Drive    Drive

 

8:45         Arrive at place of employment
  9:00         Promptly begin a writing project/upcoming deadline
  9:30         Begin Meeting 1: (Mtg should be over at 10:30)
11:04         Meeting ends (Angels are singing)
11:13         Leave for Fountain Hills, AZ (Upcoming retreat destination)
11:40         Arrive at lunch destination (hmmm...check out the view)

Yes, that is a GIANT fountain in a lake full of reclaimed water.  Not safe for swimming, but definitely safe for viewing.

12:50    Leave for retreat destination (take tour of facilities - it's beautiful) Enjoy it here.

*walk around the place, looking at rooms, pool, ect. View from balcony below:
1:00    Gather all the information for the retreat (including a Creme Soda Dum Dum)
1:12    Head back to Phoenix (Laughing the entire way with my team)
1:43    Starbucks run (Iced Coffee with milk and a shot of vanilla GRANDE *thanks for all the     
           recommendations from my Twitter pals)
2:20    Back in office (make a mass of phone calls, twitter check)
3:40    Quick meeting with the team (This is where we determined to postpone retreat.  LOL)
5:00    Quick meeting with a young leader (Challenging his attitude was a good thing and will pay
           dividends ONE day)
5:15    Leave to get Thing 1 and Thing 2 (drive, drive, drive, Twitter check)
6:00    Grab boys (Thank nanny, *hugs *kisses *back in the family truckster)
6:15    HOME!

Enjoyed the day - lots happening - I have a great life.

Jesse

Friday's are my Favorite

I love Friday's for a a couple of reasons: First, it begins my weekend.  Secondly, I have the whole day with my boys.  Here is a glimpse of our day so far:

Wake up call: 7:30 (Noble yelling "Daddy!!!!" from his room)

Official wake-up: 8:00 (Me getting Noble out of his room)

Breakfast: 8:06 (Friday's = Special breakfast; today's choice was TRIX)

Chill time: 8:40 (Star Wars for Halon, watching Oswald for Noble)

...........

(Okay, you get the picture - so here are some 'real' pics for your viewing pleasure:

*This picture is Halon in his Bears jersey - it represents much love to my fellow Bears fans @Bradgross @jennikeating and it should breed discontentment from my new friend and Bear hater @mr60ii.

Oh and Halon is engineering some MAD Lego SKILLS!!!

This is Noble.  He is a 'lefty' and here he is working on his penmanship.

Friday's are my favorite!

Jesse

Words. Words. Words.

I'm thinking about words today.  You know, a series of letters combined to form actual meaning. Words are incredibly significant for many reasons.  Can you imagine going an hour without speaking one word? What about a year?  One guy did for a college study several years ago. PSYCHO!

The truth about words regarding communication is this: They hold the power of life and death.  Either you can BUILD others up with your words or you can TEAR them down.

Building others up requires you to learn the art of 'saying the right words at the right time'.  Check this out:

The wrong words at the wrong time discourage me.

The wrong words at the right time frustrate me. 

The right words said at the wrong time confuse me. 

The right words at the right time encourage me.     

So, when you speak up, how can you best encourage others using the right words at the right time? Keep this in mind:

Be sensitive to the time and place: 

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances."

If you can learn to be sensitive to your setting, you've won half the battle of saying the right words at the right time.

Say it from the heart:

"It's not just what you say and when you say it: it's also how you say it."

People can tell the difference between hollow words and something said from the heart.

Recognize the power of the right words at the right time:

"Saying the right words at the right time can do more than just make a person feel good in the moment.  it can have an impact that is positive and lasting."

Look for opportunities to uplift others with your words.  It just might change their lives.

Stretch yourself

Jesse

*Thank you John Maxwell for the inspiration for this post.

Measuring Stick

I returned from Kansas City yesterday.  I was speaking at a funeral for a young man who days before his graduation tragically died.  Cameron was fishing with friends on his property when his hook got stuck. He decided that he would jump in to untangle it and dove head first.  He snapped his 5th vertebra and was killed instantly.

As I saw him resting in his casket, I asked God this question: "How could 18 years be enough?"

The night before Cameron passed away, he hit an RBI triple for his baseball team to win the game.  As I read the article from the newspaper all I could think was "How could 18 years be enough?"  There he was in his casket, dressed in his baseball uniform, resting peacefully.  I thought about many of my interactions with him.  He was a sweet kid with a big smile.

During his funeral, one pastor mentioned something I did not know.  He talked about how Cameron decided on his own to become an organ donor.  Cameron, not knowing how or when his life would end, was concerned about giving life to others in need.  Because of his incredibly mature and selfless decision, here is what happened:

• A woman in her 30's received a liver so her life could go on.
• A man in his 40's received fresh kidney's. 
• A man in his 50's received a strong heart beaming full of life.  

Several other donations were made to help those in need.  How powerful is this?  To give life? Amazing.

So, was 18 years enough?

Corrie Ten Boom said this, 

"The true measure of success in life is not duration, but rather donation." 

I'd say, Cameron's life although cut short rather abruptly, was very successful.  His family and friends should be proud to call him their own.

How do you measure success for your life?

Stretch yourself

Jesse